Tales from the Vault - Last Word

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I'm sorry.
Sorry, I feel like that needs to be said sometimes.
Sometimes we apologize for doing, saying, and being exactly what we say we are.
Are you listening properly?
Properly listening could've saved us from these awkward situations.
Situations we went into with open eyes and very honest expectations up front. Didn't I choose my words wisely?
Wisely stating that I'm emotionally drained.
Drained. Empty. Not willing to commit to the scenario you want because my heart is spoken for, and although it may be a lost cause... I think my track record proves I'm willing to bet on at least a couple throughout my life.
Life gave us a chance for the things you wanted. Things you couldn't handle at the time.
Time changes perception though, and I realized you were right. When the descriptors started pouring in.... Well, I listened to what you really thought, and I cringed at how you saw me.
Me: Arrogant, self absorbed, headstrong, selfish, needy, not willing to see your pain.
Pain comes with life though. It does. I was trying to capture that silver lining.
Lining my mind with the thought of what you and I could be.
Be silent. Let me finish. I wanted what you want now, and now I don't. It's not what I see when I look at my future honestly.
Honestly, you don't want to be with me. I'm not the guy you remember.
Remember my attitude a couple of years back?
Back when I only cared about sitting in the house reading books, playing video games, stuck in my mind?
Mind you, it ain't the worst place to be. I've built a world that captures the World's attention. But I've become someone else. I have. Good or bad, I don't care to decide honestly, but I've fallen in love with the world outside my head. Outside my house. Outside myself.
Myself? I hate that you cry over me. I do. You know that. But if the only way to stem your tears is to give you what I don't have, or worse, what I don't want? I have to let you cry.
Cry if it makes you feel better. If it makes you feel stronger.
Stronger men have hurt weaker women and you're stronger than most imagine. I just can't imagine the titles.
Titles change things. Ruin things. Destroy things.
Things that I value. I don't want them to shift. You don't want them to change, believe it.
It bothers me if I can say so.
So, I didn't say no? I didn't say I'm having fun? I didn't say anything?
Anything I did, I did with all of those questions answered. You can choose to ignore them but that doesn't make them untrue.
Untrue is the thought that I made any move with a thought past anything my hands were touching at the time. I went as far as you let me. And then we went too far. But that doesn't change the statements I made. You know that.
That shit you screamed... I won't front, it hurt me. "You don't care!"
Care? You know I do. Just not about your feelings more than my own. You want your intensity matched. You want your feelings requited. You want too many things I don't have the energy to provide.
Provide me with an answer that won't hurt you and I don't commit. Can you do that?
That isn't going to happen. Your pain, though understandable, doesn't make me wrong.
Wrong would be me saying nothing from the start, getting to the end and saying "oops."
"Oops" isn't happening. We both know what was discussed. But I did hurt you, even if my intentions were plain, so please, just let me say "sorry."
Sorry.

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